First Love.

"Everything in life, just for a while".

Assalamualaikum semua. Berdasarkan tajuk diatas, hahaha, siapa pernah merasa cinta pertama? Tak kesah lah kekal sampai sekarang (alhamdulillah) ataupun dah teputus ditengah jalan. Kalau yang dah umur 20 tahun ke atas, mestilah dah pernah merasa kan? Kalau still innocent dan tak pernah bercinta langsung, anda memang WOW! Bagus! *clap clap*

Haha ok berbalik kepada topik diatas, Ain pun tak tahu kenapa tiba tiba Ain nak share pasal "first love" ni. Saja nak kongsi, mana tahu pengalaman kita sama. Tipu lah Ain yang tak pernah bercinta tapi tak lama mana pun (setahun pun tak sampai). Mungkin sebab salah Ain juga, yela orang baru first time bercinta (umur 20 baru bercinta, noobnya) so macam bongok tak tahu apa apa. Ain jenis yang tak reti nak tunjuk perasaan menghargai seseorang, just say thank you and diam, sebab itulah orang ingat Ain jenis tak menghargai kot. But deep inside my heart, I am grateful to have you in my life.

Ain dengan dia dah kenal lama, sejak dari form 4. Aku dengar masalah kau, kau dengar masalah aku, then jadi kawan baik. Dia lah satu satunya kawan baik lelaki yang Ain ada. Bagi Ain, siapa kata bercinta dengan kawan baik itu indah? Lagi awkward ada lah lepas putus hubungan. Yela dari kawan baik ke teman istemewa then tup tup jadi kawan baik balik? No wayyy! Awkward, sangat. Nak jadi kawan pun rasa tak layak sebab kita tahu perasaan sayang tu masih ada. So better we become strangers that full of memories right?

Tipu lah tak sedih sampai sekarang. Dia kawan baik Ain kot, dia sentiasa ada time susah Ain. Tapi sekarang? Lain sangat. Dulu dia sentiasa tolong Ain, dengar masalah Ain, kita kongsi rahsia, kutuk orang sama sama, haha tapi yela, people come and go. Kita tak boleh expect semua orang akan ada sentiasa disisi kita. Even mak ayah kita pun akan tinggalkan kita suatu hari nanti. Kan? Ain jenis tak kongsi sangat masalah dengan parents sebab kalau itu masalah kau, kau settle sendiri (muhasabah diri), but sometimes we as a human we need someone to give advice or respond to us, so thanks to you, you always been there to help me to get through my stressful life. Dari kita kawan baik lagi kau sentiasa ada. I appreciate it, a lot.

Ain ada jumpa someting untuk dibaca. Agak menarik dan betul juga. Meh Ain nak share, by Elissa Sanci.

It’s Called Your First Love For A Reason

It’s called your first love because it’s also the first time you feel what happens when it’s over. It’s the first time you’ll feel as though a fist ripped through your chest and gripped your heart, pulling it out. It’s the first time you’ll cry so hard over another person, you can’t breathe. It’s the first time you’ll feel completely helpless, like a baby deer that hasn’t quite learned to walk on its own yet. It’s the first time you’ll feel like you’re reaching out to grab something, then realizing it’s smoke, and it disappears between your fingers. 

It’s the first time you blame yourself for something that perhaps wasn’t even your fault, maybe it was, but you’ll never know for sure and it’s also the first time you’re entirely responsible for the way you feel.  

It’s the first time you put yourself at fault for loving too much. You blame yourself for throwing yourself completely into the relationship, for letting yourself become absorbed into them, for thinking your first love was going to be your last love. It’s the first time you give more than you have to make another person happy, but at the time it was okay, or so you thought, because their happiness was your happiness and in assuming you’d be together forever, you believed that as long as you kept them happy, you’d be happy. This is the first time you blame yourself for caring too much and, in doing so, losing yourself.
Hearing the words “I don’t love you anymore” for the first time it hurts, and it hurts bad. 

Nothing seems to hurt as much as hearing your first love tell you you aren’t theirs anymore.It’s time to stop living in a fantasy, losing first love is realizing your life is not a young adult novel, no matter how hard you wish it was, and that things won’t work out in the end.  

When first love ends, you wonder if you even knew what love even was. You wonder if what you had was real or if you felt that way (or if they felt that way) because that’s what the movies told you to feel. When first love ends, you are left feeling lost and alone, sad and confused, and absolutely hopeless. 

First love hurts. 

When first love ends, it leaves you second-guessing yourself, your self-worth, who you even are. When first love ends, you realize that there’s now a hole in your heart, an absence, a space, something missing. You acknowledge that you’ll adjust, that your heart will shrink back, even though you don’t feel like it will. But when it does shrink back, it will always be a little loose where your first love used to be. There will be scars, and they won’t go away. When first love ends, you feel like you’re drowning, desperately gasping for air, reaching for help, but the hand you’ve trusted for so long is the one pressing you down, keeping you under. 

But first love is not only love. It’s not the best love, or the last love. First love is first, and it’s wonderful and amazing and new, but first is not synonymous with forever. And first is definitely not connected, whatsoever, to final. It’s called your first love because it’s just that, your first. Not your last.

"Feelings are like waves. You cannot stop them from coming but you can decide which ones to surf".

Betul tak apa beliau katakan? Haha kan... First love ni kan, banyak benda yang for the first time we feel, we do or we get. Apa yang first time untuk anda? Bagi Ain...

For the first time, I love someone same as I love my parents and families.

For the first time, I feel appreciated and loved.

For the first time, I fell very flowering (kenyit mata sikit dah macam kena current).

For the first time, I cook/bake then someone taste it.

For the first time, I feel motivated, bersaing nak sama sama jadi bagus.

For the first time, sleep late sebab otp (haha cerita sakan gila).

For the first time, bil telefon melambung (sorry ibu).

For the first time, makan keluar lepak jalan berdua.

For the first time, received gift or something that I wish for.

For the first time, meet your parents (what a nice moment, thanks).

For the first time, makan udang tanpa dikopek (tiada cholestrol katanya).

For the first time, received and sending love letter, love words and etc.

For the first time, I fall in love with my very own bestfriend (ok last, tak nak dah).

And for the first time, a guy came to my house and give flowers and etc, thank you.

And and for the first time, I did something valuable. The album of memories.

Ada banyak lagi yang first time hahaha tapi lupa dah. Tak pasal pasal ada yang meleleh ingat memori lama, hahaha. Dalam banyak banyak punya first time, paling tak percaya yang Ain buat adalah hantar surat cinta, hahaha. Sanggup kot dari rumah redah banyak bumper semata mata nak letak surat dalam peti pos dia, hahaha tapi itulah pengorbanan kalau dah sayang. Kelakar kan?

Siapa ada pengalaman putus cinta ni, mesti nak lupakan someone tu agak perit kan? Sesetengah orang akan buat "rebound relationship" untuk lupakan kekasih dia tapi bagi Ain, cara macam tu memang ok tapi macam tahlah. Sorry, Ain bukan jenis yang cepat sayangkan orang, semua take time. But once I care, I will care so much. Tapi itulah, hati tak boleh dipaksa kan. Ain tahu, hati ni milik Allah sepenuhnya. Hanya Dia sahaja yang akan tiupkan rasa sayang dan juga buat hati kita jadi tawar. Ain redha, but I know that one day Allah will give something better. Just be patience.

Now dah 8 bulan lebih berlalu, still recover nak bagi hati ni kuat sepenuhnya. Ada lah nangis sikit sikit sebab orang yang sentiasa jadi listener kita dah tak ada dengan kita. Sedih bukan? Lagi sedih dia dah berubah jadi orang yang kita tak kenal disebabkan terikut ikut perangai pasangan dia. Kalau kita rapat dengan orang itu dah lama, perangai dia lain sikit pun kita dah dapat rasa. Tapi biarlah, itu pilihan hati dia.

Ain percaya, Allah dah tulis masing masing punya jodoh time kat Luh Mahfuz lagi. Kalau ada jodoh antara mereka, itu mungkin yang terbaik bagi Allah. Allah itu Maha Adil, bersangka baik. Ain tahu Ain kuat. Ain bersyukur sangat yang Allah kurniakan orang orang sekeliling yang sentiasa bagi nasihat kat Ain, Ain hargai sangat.

"Being someone's first love is great, but being someone's last love is beyond perfect".

Btw, minta maaf lah kalau rasa agak annoying dengan post panjang lebar gila ni hahaha. Ain just nak share apa yang Ain rasa. Mungkin ada diantara anda juga yang pernah sayangkan seseorang dan sampai takut nak bercinta dah. Ada kan? Jangan risau, Allah dah aturkan setiap perjalanan kita. Kita kena banyak berdoa dan buat apa yang disuruhNya. Bak kata orang yang bahagia, "rileks la, banyak lagi ikan dilautan" eh kau diam lah hahaha. Yang kita nak tu lah yang tak pandang kita, yang kita tak nak tu la yang pandang kita, luls~

Thank you, always and forever even for a while.

P/S: I love you so much, I just want you to be happy, even if that happiness no longer includes me. Always pray for you. Take care.

Sekian~